When I returned to Spain in September, I did so with no intention of coming back to Chile. That plan crashed and burned early on. And just like that, my dream of extending my European adventure into a European life came to an end. It has not yet been a week since my parents went to pick me up at the airport, the prodigal son.
It is not an easy thing for your vision of the future to come tumbling down before your very eyes, especially when you have invested everything to make it a reality. But that’s just it: I invested everything and tried everything I could think of to stay in Barcelona or, at the very least, not come back to Chile. It just didn’t work out this time.
And that brings me peace. I come back with a heavy heart, but knowing that there is little else I could have really done. Retrospect has a harsh way of showing you alternative courses of action, which is an unfair assessment; at the time, they were not in my line of sight, and so were not available for me to take.
But over the last couple of months, I felt like there wasn’t much else I could do in Barcelona anyway. I had experienced it to the near fullest. All I had towards the end, was a page in need of turning and a new chapter waiting to begin. I would have loved for it to be in Barcelona, or anywhere in Spain, but that’s not entirely up to me.
Throughout my year abroad, I visited London, Paris, and Milan. I road-tripped around the Costa Brava, Normandy, and Tuscany. I took the train and circled around Spain. There is so much that I still want to do, but there is little that I didn’t actually do while I was there. My time was well spent, my wanderlust satisfied, and my need for new experiences fully satiated.
What hurts the most is probably the people. There is suddenly such an abysmal distance between me and all of the people I met and made friends with. Only a few remain in Barcelona, the rest are all scattered around Europe and North America. They were all so nearby just a week ago, and now it feels like I may never see them again.
But I’m back in Chile. Back at square one. This is where I plan to refuel: enjoy the holidays with my family, find a job, and journey into the next evolution of my career. The premise that inspired Wide Open Spaces (my first blog post) remains, as I have no idea where this road leads; what it holds for me, I haven’t guessed yet.
As frustrating and discouraging as this reversal in fortune can be, I am still rather hopeful. The lack of a plan leaves every door open, and opportunities abound! I don't know how calm or tempestuous the waters will be, but they can take me anywhere. I'm lucky enough to be in a position where anywhere is an actually attractive destination.
If home is where the heart is, I’m thousands of kilometers away from either place that holds its pieces. But I am back in Chile, with my family, preparing for Christmas and the New Year. And that may be all I need at the moment – it’s good enough for now. Don't be fooled though: a strong, innate desire to rove and travel around is still bubbling under.
So I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams...